Saturday, December 19, 2009

Home for the here is always interesting.

I've come home for the month worth of winter break from college. Though I have another final on Monday, it's in the evening, so I didn't see the point in having to stay in the dorm for another few days.

It's quite funny, I came home on Thursday, expecting to spend Friday with my mother getting ready for Christmas. However, even the best laid plans can fall apart.

Thursday night my 9 year old sister became ill. Now, vomit is something no one likes, but as an emetophobic, I do get quite irrational when someone in our house is ill. I would normally sleep in my sister's bed, as there aren't really enough beds here since I've moved out, but seeing as she'd vomited and the room had that lingering smell, well, it wasn't going to happen. I, therefore, spent a good bit of time trying to sleep on the linoleum floor of our laundry room, which also happens to be my dog's room. Needless to say my body and the floor were not making very good friends, and my little mini Dachshund kept snuggling into the sleeping bag where I thought I would squish him. I finally gave up at about 3am and moved into my little brother's lofted bed, which is like sleeping on a slightly softer floor.

Today? Did a whole lot of nothing. Went to the store to pick up electrolyte drinks, broth, and Jello for my sister, napped, and that's about all. Happy Holidays indeed.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Finals week is evil

It's 4:30am here in the frigid Midwest, and I'm still awake.

Because I have finals tomorrow. Two of them. One is bad enough, but two in one day is torture. One is comprehensive, the other only covers the past 7 lectures. I'm not sure at this point whether I should stay up, my first final is at 10am, or attempt to get an hour or two of sleep.

Either way, I'm gonna hurt later.
Gotta love college

Monday, December 14, 2009

Tragedy Poetic

I sit for a moment, taking in the staccato signals from my body to my brain. The pain weighs heavy on me tonight, one of those rare nights where it crosses the threshold from tolerable to torment. I know I'll not sleep unless I find a way to keep the neurons at bay.

I stand from my perch, coccooned in blankets at my desk. My body drags and I limp the mere feet to possible salvation. I clasp the keys in my hand and bend like the skeleton of a tree to reach the box under the chair. A small, black, unassuming case and its lock are all that stands between myself and possible freedom, at least for an hour or two.

I return to my hideaway, box in hand. Once seated I carefully meet key to lock, turning just enough to free the lid and gain access to sweet relief. I rifle through my stash - the medications I've saved for nights like this, knowing that callus, tired physicians are none too willing to prescribe some of the contents, their profession having hardened, jaded them. The labels cry out to me, familiar names, as I count the remaining pills in each bottle. A single Vicodin sits lonely in its spacious keep. A smaller bottle bares but one Valium. I spy a pair of Flexeril milling about in yet another container. These are just some of the residents in my box. The bottles all nestle together, all saviors, regardless. The rare with the readily provided, the mundane with the magnificent.

I weigh my options. The list narrows as I remove a contender due to difficulty to acquire. You'd have better chance getting a refill from the dealer on the street than a legitimate prescription. Another ticked off, not quite up to the task. I continue to weigh my options, my fields ever narrowing. At long last I decide, a contender I'd previously dismissed due to difficulty to procure.

It's nights like these that I loathe the physicians who have put down blanket rules for all patients, people they could help but won't, due to the illegal actions of the despicable souls who use the real illnesses of others as a ruse to get what they think they need.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Happy Birthday...To me.

21 years ago today I made my entrance into this world.
21 years later I've lived, I've learned, and I'm still here.
I'm looking forward to the rest of my life, day by day.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Let It Snow

It's snowing tonight in Minnesota.
Actually, it's been snowing all day, and it shows no signs of letting up. Schools and businesses are closing left and right. Unfortunately, college rarely gets canceled. This means I'm going to have to get my arthritic butt up at 9am and attempt to hobble to my classes without falling, hurting myself, or dislocating anything. Joy.

My whole body rebels a bit more with every degree drop in temperature.
But, that's life I guess.